On the Buses

- Season 6

(1972)

Following a fire in the depot's paint shop due to a carelessly dropped cigarette smoking is banned. This hits Stan hard especially when Arthur bets him that he cannot give up the weed and the two men vie to see who can hold out for the longest. Then Stan lights up on a bus,causing a fire,from which he rescues Blakey. The bus company however is pleased that the bus is destroyed as it was very old and the insurance - using the ploy that faulty wiring caused the spark - will pay for a new one.

Sick of Arthur and Olive constantly rowing Stan takes his sister to a marriage counsellor,who suggests Olive make herself look more glamorous,which she does - to no avail. The next plan is to make Arthur jealous as Jack flirts with her but there is still no response from Arthur. Time to bring on the big guns and to set up Blakey as Olive's supposed lover,and,oddly,this does the trick,even giving Olive the confidence to flirt with a young window cleaner.

Stan has borrowed money from a bouncer called Basher, who will live up to his name if he is not repaid. After an unsuccessful venture using the bus to help a conductress's mother move house, Stan comes up with the idea of using the bus to give the senior citizens a day out. A small cost for each will repay the money he owes but, unfortunately, Blakey hears of the scheme and charges him the bus hire, so he ends up out of pocket.

It's a trip down memory lane for Stan who, having dented the bus, recalls the days over a decade earlier when he was a conductor and Blakey was a driver and they got on well prior to the latter's promotion. He also recollects how Arthur, who had hair, came to stay as a lodger and was caught in bed with Olive, after accidentally straying into her room, causing Mum to order their marriage. It is also Arthur who provides Stan with the rude awakening from his memories.

When Blakey dismisses tea-lady Elsie Jack calls a strike - until Blakey bribes him and,with no strike pay available, the crews return to work - except the principled Stan. However after a disastrous day at home helping the family mount wall-paper,during which Arthur brings the ceiling down,he is only too pleased to return to work. Blakey tries to sack him but Jack gets both Stan and Elsie re-instated.

The crews must all submit to a medical and Stan and Jack think it would be amusing to eavesdrop as Blakey is examined by a brisk lady doctor. However, when he says that his days are numbered Stan assumes that he is terminally ill, becomes extra nice to him and asks him round for tea - which does make him ill. As Stan is about to give Blakey a presentation, the inspector explains. When he said his days were numbered he meant that he was considering retirement but now he is so touched by Stan's kindness that he intends to stay on.

Stan's Mum has won a prize - an all-inclusive holiday for two in Spain and so Stan, Olive and Arthur are all keen to dance attendance on her in the hopes that they will be her chosen travelling companion. Eventually it is revealed that the competition's organizer has been arrested for fraud and so there is no holiday after all. Mum was aware of this but she kept it to herself because it was so nice to have all the others waiting on her.