Choose Your Own McGurskey

- Season 1

(2016)

After two long years of heartache and depression, "Crazy Eyes" McGurskey is back. Or is he? He is. No, wait. While McG performs an outlandish training Montage to try and get his mojo back, two familiar crooks plan to hit him where it hurts.

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McGurskey's in a pickle, so he prays for Kung Fu Jesus to help him out. And she answers his prayers. Yup, she's real. She's black. And she's a she. She's also fast AF. Doesn't take her long to kick some ass.

Not unfamiliar with compromising positions, McGurskey decides to take matters into his own hands, but they have a different plan. While McG is handily distracted, James decides it's time to strike.

"Crazy Eyes" McGurskey shows up at the local sex shop where his ex-wife performs her Dirty Doggy Style 25 Cent Peep Show. He's here to save her from this sin-palace.

That's right. You heard "Crazy Eyes" McGurskey. GTFO KFJ. McGurskey says he doesn't believe, but then he lets out the fart of an unbelievably broken man. KFJ decides this is not worth her time. She out.

A chaotic skirmish ensues. Luckily, McGurksey saw it coming. Or did he? He did. No, wait. Then, McGurskey let's out a scream that could go battle cry or actual cry. Or both.

McGurskey's one, true friend (and pet goldfish). Apparently, she's not too happy with her life either (or lack thereof). But, McGurskey hasn't forgotten her, he'll fix this - he'll fix everything.

McGurskey loves cats. Can you blame him? Even though he's not fit to take care of one. McGurskey can't help but tell Roy about his familiarity with feline herstory. Oh, and he wants a Piña Collada - you know, just like old times.

Two young veterinarians meet in the woods after receiving a love note from each other. But, wait!? Who wrote these notes?!? It was "Crazy Eyes" McGurskey himself. Both letters. And he's not lookin' for hugs, he's lookin' for DRUGS.

McGurskey finds his way into a series of unfortunate events, followed by the ultimate low - being catcalled by a ruthless gang of construction workers. He's then defended by an old, homeless drug-dealer-witch who's looking for a new client.

When D.A.R.E. taught you that drugs were bad, they had no idea what modern day science would dream up. McGurskey enters a bizarro-world of pain, flames, and hallucinations that only McGurskey can overcome. Or can he??

"Crazy Eyes" Mcgurskey is obsessed with Tyrion Lannister. So, how could he not chase him? But, he's hard to find, for such a famous guy. Wait, he's on the roof. No, he's on the other roof?? Roof jump.

This. This is paradise. A sandy beach with the ones McGurskey loves. Retirement shmretirement. This is what life is all about. AND, a handsome young waiter at your service, don't mind if McGurskey does.