You Can't Do That on Television

- Season 5

(1984)

You can't put a price tag on friendship. Well, in fact, you can, as Christine sadly discovers when her mother's monthly friendship checks to the cast fail to arrive, leaving Christine friendless.

Explores the paranormal, a poltergeist invades the studio (sending equipment and personnel flying), Lisa conducts séances, and a thankful genie freed from an electric lamp grants wishes.

Christine starts her new favorite hobby by trading Ross' rare coin collection for an exercise bike and a set of free weights.

As Alasdair's exploration of his family tree starts connecting with castmates, Ross fears the kids will start making fun of his age. So he conducts a preemptive strike.

The kids discuss courage. Kevin tests his courage by wearing a suit of armor.

The producer has Ross check through the cast for a perfect body-type to be featured in an upcoming commercial. The kids look upon this as a stepping-stone for one of them to become a star but haven't a clue what body-type is being sought.

The kids try to find something to market for the show so it does not get axed.

With a multitude of family vacations to foreign countries coming up, Ross seizes every opportunity to shortchange the kids in exchanging their dollars for foreign currency.

A show on literature inspires Christine to become a writer. Meanwhile, Justin sets out to expose history's cover-up of the world's most prolific writer - A. Nonymous - whom he believes to be the true author of Shakespeare's works.

While Christine's family moves to an upscale neighborhood (which eventually proves too ritzy for their other-than-blue blood), a kid on wheels from California catches the attention of his new classmates.

Ross installs an audience interactive mechanism which can influence the outcomes of various scenes, but Christine discovers it can, more importantly, bring about the silencing of Motormouth Lisa.

Christine wants to grow as an actress and begs Ross to provide her with a meaty scene within the show. Ben, meanwhile, wants Ross to adjust the budget so he can star in his own music video.

Christine joins a fitness club for its tennis outfits, restaurant, tan and muscular guys and fashion show, and Ross involves the kids in an investment club with himself as their broker.

The kids rally for an Actors' Holiday so they can have a day off just to be kids, but Ross abhors the idea.

Among the cast's plans for college, Alasdair plans to enter on a video game scholarship but, so far, can't find a university to meet his aim. Ross returns to college so he can enter a profession without kids around.

When Ross openly disdains Halloween, Christine invokes a pretend spell to mess with his head. He's not impressed, but when a continuous string of accidents and near disasters enters his life, he's ready to admit she's a bone fide witch.

It's Christmas on the set, but there's little peace on Earth in the studio: Alasdair's running around with a helmet camouflaged in mistletoe and two eager lips puckered.

Christine decides that Lisa has what it takes to run for class president - a boring, uneventful background, an uncle who can supply voters with free pizzas, and a mouth that can talk on and on without saying anything.

Ross wears his old army uniform in protest of the kids' griping about war. Meanwhile, Alasdair starts a peace movement called "War's Insane: Make Peace" (W.I.M.P.).

While the group has a hay day with botany, chemistry and physics, Alasdair discerns the formula for green slime and announces his findings to the viewing public.

During their divorce proceedings, the producer's wife takes half the show away - literally half of everything - with strange results.

Ross's nephew Jeff joins the cast but, due to his family ties, doesn't suffer the usual punishments felt by the other kids on the show, and visa versa.

The kids hang out - at the arcade, the library, malls and summer camp, after school, at the Burgery, around the set, outside prison, stores, locker and dressing rooms. They also hang laundry, hang tough, and generally just hang in there.

Alasdair brings his weather machine to the studio. The crazy thing works but has no off switch and its selector malfunctions.

Christine gets a raise in salary and the rest of the cast gets jealous.

To meet budget requirements for an episode on wealth, the producer markets it to investors. Unfortunately, once they see the product they're buying into, the production goes back up for sale.