Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

- Season 9

(2011)

Donna and Gaz are together, but he is in a wheelchair following his accident and his sexual prowess is affected. Fortunately the couple's love sees them through. Gaz is unnerved by Billy, a young Scouser who nursed him in hospital and wants to be his carer. Not only is Billy very touchy-feely, he has also taken Gaz's place in the local football team. Camp Tim is enjoying himself as the landlord of the Archer until his violent younger sister Cassie turns up, released from a Young Offender Unit. She moves into the pub and flirts unsuccessfully with Billy.

As the breadwinner for herself and Gaz, Donna must swallow her pride and sign on, especially as the Job Centre clerk is a girl who bullied her at school. Tim decides to give Cassie a fashion makeover in her efforts to catch Tim, hoping that the boost of confidence will make her less aggressive; he is partially successful. Gaz resists Billy's earnest efforts to be his friend and carer until he sets fire to the flat and the young Scouser saves him. However, this makes Billy see himself as a rubbish carer and he decides he wants to be a footballer with Runcorn Rovers ...

Following the fire, Tim moves Donna and Gaz into Janet's old flat. Deprived of her clothes, Donna decides to become a possessions-renouncing New Age hippie but changes her mind when offered work with a corporate waste-disposal company. Gaz just wants to get drunk, taking Billy with him--which results in the lad missing his trial for Runcorn Rovers, so Gaz resorts to dirty tricks to give him another shot. Cassie forces Tim to come out as gay when she tries to blackmail him into buying her a motorbike.

After customizing his wheelchair, Gaz decides that he wants to take part in the Paralympics, so Donna becomes his trainer--with a routine that forbids sex. He enters for a marathon but is rubbish and comes last, so he abandons his dream. Cassie and Billy go on their first date, which is also Billy's first date of any kind but it is a success after Billy discovers that he is a masochist who likes to be hurt. Tim goes to the rugby changing room to explain things to Helena, but is pleasantly side-tracked by nude hunks who mistake him for a physiotherapist and ask him to ...

Tim downloads a gay dating site called S*agger on his phone and is shocked by the photos that perverts have sent of their privates, but true love seems to beckon in the form of cute customer Leonard. Billy is exhausted by Cassie's sexual demands, which affects his football training, but she inadvertently kick-starts his game by appearing on the sidelines dressed as a WAG. Gaz's efforts to walk seem as unsuccessful as Donna's attempts to find a new best friend. Her auditions only yield the likes of eco-freaks, killers, and lesbians, but when one of the women goes for ...

Tim overcomes his nerves to start dating Leonard, and Cassie chooses Billy over Graham, the psychotic former boyfriend who has demanded that she return to him. But can the path of true love run as smoothly for Donna and Gaz as, after she presents him with a 'This Is Your Life' book at his birthday party at the Archer, he realises that he has never left Runcorn and wants to go traveling? He wants Donna to come too, but news from the hospital that she might be seriously ill causes her to change her mind without explaining why, leading Gaz to believe she is selfish and ...