Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

- Season 4

(2004)

As Janet prepares to leave Jonny, she finds a photo taken on the night that they met and the show turns into a long flashback detailing how Donna, Janet, and Louise went on the pull to a nightclub where they met Jonny and Gaz. This is a musical episode with the characters singing original songs in pastiches of popular numbers at the time.

Janet leaves a note for Jonny and moves in with Louise, who is feeling sorry for herself after David left her. Gaz is also angry with David, believing that he had sex with Donna, and challenges him to a drinking competition, which David wins. Louise gets back with David,then dumps him for dumping her. Jonny finally finds the note Janet left him after it has been turned into a paper aeroplane and he is desolate.

Louise is told that she cannot have her degree unless she returns a library book she once borrowed, 'Piggy Goes Oink.' She suspects David of taking it to spite her, but to Gaz's consternation, David is encouraging Donna to better herself by becoming a student. Janet regrets leaving Jonny, but when she goes to make up with him, she sees him kissing Kate, the barmaid at the Archer.

Janet moves in with Louise. Jonny and Kate visit Halton Castle, where he tries to show her how macho he is by climbing the castle wall, but he falls and injures his ankle. Janet rings him to get rid of a spider the girls found in the flat, so he goes round to kill it to impress Kate but faints when he sees it. Meanwhile, Donna starts life as a student.

Louise has graduated and is job-hunting. She applies to become the head of ICI but at her interview it becomes clear that she has lied about her qualifications, and it is suggested she work at Pizza Hut instead. Janet phones a dating agency and agrees to meet her date in the pub, but it turns out to be a very butch woman, so she goes back with Gaz to have sex with him instead. Donna is finding her student work difficult, so Kate helps her with her essay.

Rather than go to the graduation ball, Louise throws her own party with Janet, taking charge of the guest list. She invites Jonny and Kate, feeling that Jonny has become a nicer person since going out with her, though everywhere everybody looks Jonny and Kate seem to be at it. The party is no exception; Kate goes out of her way to spite Janet by sleeping with Jonny in her bed. Gaz feels guilty about two-timing Donna and ends up back with her, having written her essay for her.

Janet goes to work at the bakery as usual, knowing she has a new boss--which turns out to be Louise. Donna is keen for Janet and Jonny to get back together and asks Gaz to split up Jonny and Kate by making a pass at her--which he does. Kate gets furious and makes it clear that she has no time for Jonny's friends. This does the trick: Kate and Jonny are no more.

Louise does not last long at the bakery as power goes to her head and she goes about sacking people, leading to her own dismissal. Jonny is homeless after rowing with his dad but gets back together with Janet, attracted by her cheese-and-onion-pasty bikini. While Gaz is feeling like he's impotent, Donna's tutor Philip suggests that they get to know each other a little better on the grounds that it will further her student career.

Donna goes out to brunch with Philip, making Gaz jealous but when he confronts Philip he finds that he is no longer impotent. Louise gets a job at the Office of National Statistics, where she accidentally erases all evidence of Jonny's existence. She recreates a file for him but adds a fictional and colourful criminal record which leads to a shoot-out with the police when he goes on his date with Janet.