Two Pints of Lager and a Packet of Crisps

- Season 2

(2002)

Donna discovers that she is not pregnant after all, which disappoints Gaz, who had hoped fatherhood would make him more responsible However, Janet persuades him that he can still be responsible without a child. He decides to show Donna his romantic side by inviting her to the 'best drinking establishment in town,' which turns out to be a can of lager in his garage. Louise's psychic predictions fall flat once more after she encourages Jonny to become a mime.

When Jonny wins 1000 pounds on a Lotto scratch-card, everybody has their own idea of how he should spend it, Janet throwing a party in the hopes that he will use the money to buy an engagement ring. He eventually uses it to hire a bouncy castle and Bungle, a puppet bear from a children's television show. Louise sees her new man James as a sex machine, but he turns out to be a virgin.

Jonny is jealous when Janet finds a love letter from handsome old flame Andy, though she tells him she is merely being nostalgic. To allay his fears she introduces him to 'Andy', who is actually wimpy little Colin from the chemist's. Louise goes off James and wonders if she is a lesbian, getting Donna and Janet to experiment with her, though it does nothing for her and she realises that she just does not fancy James. Meanwhile, Flo wants Donna to move out so that she can turn her room into a saucy massage parlour.

Though Jonny is convinced that he is seriously ill, Janet has her doubts and goes off to the Archer, the local pub, to meet Andy. Outside the pub they are seen by Gaz and Louise, and Louise tells Jonny. Louise also buys a dog as a man substitute; she calls him Chesney and dresses him in clothes similar to hers, but he gets run over. Meanwhile, Donna agrees to move in with Gaz.

Donna and Gaz each draw up a list of things that they expect each other to do in order to make their flat-share easier, but his list contains silly things that annoy her. Janet and Jonny also argue, about her seeing Andy. As a result, Donna goes to spend the night at Jonny's flat while Janet comes to Gaz's, which shocks Louise.

Jonny is confused to wake up and find Donna bringing him tea in bed though he makes a miracle recovery and they go to Andy's house to look for Janet. She is not there, but eventually both couples meet up in the Archer where there is general reconciliation and Jonny finally gives Janet an engagement ring. However, from its inscription 'Mo Mo and Pigsy,' Janet realises that it is a family heirloom that Jonny stole from Andy's house.