The Danny Thomas Show

- Season 8

(1960)

When the mailman in their new apartment building tells Linda his feet hurt, she decides to help him by delivering some of the mail (without asking him). Kathy sees all the mail in Linda's room and tries to deliver it before Linda gets into trouble. Kathy hides the mail she can't carry and when Danny comes home and finds it, he comes to the only possible conclusion - Kathy is a kleptomaniac.

Rusty gets his report card and no one is more surprised than he is to see all A's. Danny is so proud that he goes overboard. When Rusty's teacher tells him that she made a mistake, Rusty is at a loss how to break it to his father.

Danny feels that his comedy performances aren't as respected as stage performers, so he enrolls in a drama school in order to become a "serious" actor.

Danny is doing a show with glamour girl Lisa Lazlow (ZsaZsa Gabor). Kathy learns they have worked together before and Danny sang Kathy's song (But Beautiful) to Lisa in the show. Lisa doesn't help matters by playing up to Danny. SONG: But Beautiful

Danny reminds Kathy one time too many that she proposed. Kathy insists Danny propose to her, after a courtship. Until then, she doesn't consider their marriage "final".

Doris is dependable, capable, and single. She can fix plumbing, electrical, a carburetor, and tells Kathy she doesn't need a husband. When Phil comes over to talk Kathy into letting Danny go out of town, he says how wonderful that Danny has such a dependable, capable wife and what a shame he never meets anyone like Kathy.

Uncle Tonoose is coming to visit. Rusty and Linda's friend says he's a liar nearly causing a fight. Kathy is worried about the effect of Uncle Tonoose's stories. Danny assures her they're harmless - until Uncle Tonoose says he knows middleweight champion Kid Moore. Kid Moore is coming to the apartment tomorrow to rehearse with Danny. Will the confrontation expose the truth?

The whole family is at the club for Linda's birthday. She sings a song, and the next day Charlie wants to book her on Danny's upcoming TV special.

Danny has a terrible toothache and is determined not to go to the dentist. Kathy is just as determined to make him go and enlists Charlie's help to get him there.

Danny is being replaced at the club for two weeks by his old friend, and recent widower, Buddy Bruno. The only problem is Buddy and his daughter are on the lam from social services.

It's Christmas time and Kathy promised a neighbor she'd talk to Danny about meeting two sisters who wrote a Christmas song. Danny explains that songs don't make money until they are published. The sisters say they have a publisher who gave them a contract and only charged them $75 in pre-publishing costs. Danny and Charlie smell a rat and set out to get the money back.

When Rusty breaks one of Danny's golf clubs, he knows he'll be grounded and he's afraid his team will lose their next game. Rusty talks Linda into taking the blame for him now in exchange for him taking the blame for her at a future date. Kathy suspects Linda is not strong enough to have broken the club. Kathy, Danny, and Charlie all try to get Rusty to confess.

Danny's landlord, Mr. Heckendon, on seeing a plant Danny has received from a fan recognizes that the plant is quite rare and needs a lot of attention if it is to survive.

Rusty and Linda want to go to the movies. When Kathy says no, they complain what good is learning about democracy in school when there is no democracy in their home. Danny comes up with the brilliant solution of having the family vote on everything, but no one can be a sore loser. He comes home to find the kids eating cake and ice cream, and Kathy informs him that while he was gone they out-voted her two to one. Danny has to find a way to stop the voting without being a sore loser.

Danny gets a parking ticket that he feels was wrongly issued. He assembles his defense team for a court appearance: a nuclear timer expert and Rusty who can testify that there was time left on the meter.

Danny arrives home from an out of town engagement to find Kathy on the couch in a ratty robe, with curlers in her hair, and fighting a bout of sniffles. When Danny complains about her appearance, they have an argument which gives him material for his act. Danny comes home and tells a now dolled-up Kathy what a hit the material was. They have another fight about him telling everyone what happened. SONG: Makin' Whoopee

Danny is helping Rusty rehearse his drums for the school orchestra try-outs. Kathy enters saying it's nearly 11 o'clock and past Rusty's bedtime. As they continue, the landlord arrives and tricks them into continuing until after 11 pm when he announces they've broken their lease and will be evicted in the morning. Kathy invites him over for coffee and cake in an effort to change his mind. Unfortunately, no one in the family believes Kathy adds enough rum to her cake, so everyone adds more. SONG: Won't You Come Home, Bill Bailey

Uncle Tonoose arrives in New York determined to invest his life savings so he will be able to send his grand-nephew to college, and on to medical school. To keep him from investing with a man he met on the bus, Danny suggests he invest in the club. Charlie is not happy, and even less happy when Uncle Tonoose changes the menu, the dancers, and starts driving customers away.

Rusty has been treating Danny like a bottomless dollar bill dispenser. Danny decides to give Rusty a large amount of money of his own to see how he handles it. Rusty can't make up his mind how to spend it - or where to keep it.

Kathy hires a swami. Danny recognizes him as an old burlesque performer and tells Kathy that burlesque is more than people remember. Some of the great comics got their start in burlesque. Danny and Charlie come up with an idea to put some of the old routines into the act and bring the former star back to work.

Rusty decides to become a talent agent. He then signs up a children's vocal group and negotiates to book them on the Ed Sullivan Show.

13-year-old Rusty loses his dog-walking job to Jose, the building's elevator operator.

In a takeoff on Damon Runyon's Pocketful of Miracles (Lady for a Day), the Williams's Irish scrubwoman admits she's been writing home to an old beau that she is a successful musical theatre performer. She's invented a loving family of a daughter, and two grandchildren (a boy and a girl). Her old beau is arriving in New York tomorrow, what can she do? SONG: Nothing Could Be Finer (Than to be in Carolina).

Danny is dead-tired after just having flown from New York to Los Angeles to work out plans for a big show, accidentally took two sleeping pills, and has no place to sleep because there are four conventions in town and an incompetent employee of the firm he is working with forgot to make a hotel reservation for him.

Danny hires Paul Pryor (played by Paul Anka) to sing at his club, but when he sees the effect Paul has on the audiences, he starts feeling very, very old.

Charlie tells Danny there's an old fan Ed from Chicago in the audience and gets extremely nervous when Danny asks if it's Ed Riley. "Ed Riley, the gangster?" Charlie stutters. Charlie has nothing to worry about, but Skip Harris the notorious comedy material thief not only tells Danny he's stealing his jokes, but manages to thoroughly offend Mr. Riley as well. Danny and Charlie try to warn Skip he's in danger, but he doesn't believe Danny.

Rusty has a classmate do his history homework for him so Rusty can go to basketball practice. Danny finds out and tells Rusty no more basketball. The only problem is the team is in the finals, and the next game is the playoff. Rusty's team hasn't won in decades and the whole school campaigns to make Danny change his mind.

Rusty's Scoutmaster is moving away and Rusty has volunteered Danny to replace him. Danny is complaining he doesn't have time - until retired Major Hegendorn (their landlord) is interested. The scout organization says the only fair thing is to let them compete for the job by each leading for a week.

Rusty and Linda want to earn their very own money to donate to the hospital drive, so they are doing a magic act. Charlie's friend can fit out a set of tails with magic tricks, but the performance is that evening so they have to go right away. Rusty doesn't have money to rent tails and Kathy has just picked up Danny's. There's no time to wait and ask Danny, so Kathy gives permission. Danny arrives home with good news, he's been asked to speak at the United Nations that night but his family isn't home. He needs his tuxedo, but his tails are laying out and they would be...

Jean and Bess are having coffee at Kathy's and bragging about how they are always helping their husbands by solving their problems and keeping them from making bad business decisions. Danny comes home that night and Kathy gets into a fight with him because he has no problems. She overhears Danny in a phone call with Charlie talking about when his dressing room will be painted, and suddenly she realizes he has a problem. The problem is Kathy soon has best friends Danny and Charlie suing each other.

Danny has found a talented young female singer he thinks could make it big, but the girl's mother wants her to finish her education first.

It's Danny's birthday. "Again? I just had one last year." This time Kathy and the kids give Danny his gifts before breakfast. Kathy asks Danny what he wants to do for his birthday, and he says a quiet dinner with just the two of them. Then he finds out Mr. Heckendorn is throwing a big bash and apparently they are not invited.